Mar 22 2009
Dreams
I just woke up from a three hour nap. As a mother of a three year old and a seven month old, breast feeding baby, restful sleep is hard to achieve. So when I have the chance to nap, I try to take it. (Sometimes napping is the only way to get some time to myself–even if I’m wedged between my two babes.) So this day I napped and had a strange dream. At first I attributed the weirdness of my dream to the fact that this was one of those naps where I was wedged between the boys and I was overly dressed and, thusly, VERY hot. I have learned that strange circumstances can lead to odd dreams. But today, I decided to process the meaning of my dream while dreaming. I was able to determine that I had taken a rendezvous with another man (we only kissed) and I was without my husband and kids. I felt guilty the whole time, but then came back to my family after about four days of being gone.I had a wise woman once tell me that, essentially, dreams can be interpreted three different ways: 1) God speaks to us through dreams; 2) If we eat some “bad cheese” we can have strange dreams (toss those dreams out the window!); and 3) The Sub-conscious mind is trying to work out an issue in our dreams. My dream fits into the number three category. So I broke it down to this point: I need to find a way to get some alone time, time for myself.I don’t know how to take time for myself as a mom and wife. Any effort to seize time without my kids and husband seems selfish. I am one of those on-the-go types, but I still need time to rejuvenate and do so quietly, peacefully and by myself. I am an introvert and find the most strengthening times to be when I am doing something alone to regain a sense of self. I have not achieved this sense of quiet rest and aloneness much since baby number two arrived. Frankly, I can say the same as above since 2005 when baby number 1 arrived.I am not feeling sorry for myself, just making a point here. There is faulty logic in the guilt I feel above. God doesn’t condemn me and nor should I. But that dream spoke to me about the fact that I’m not taking time for myself. I am giving a lot of myself to my family and ministry, but not finding the ways to grasp the essential mind, body and soul nourishment I need. I am experiencing a personal bankruptcy that is causing me to become stagnant in so many areas of my life–and stagnant water only gets mucky, infested and stinky so I’m headed in that direction. I don’t want to run away into some fairy tale world that would seek to destroy my family and my life, like my dream suggests.I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to live and love and be able to share those qualities with my husband, children, extended family and friends. I cannot give much of myself if I have little to nothing to give.So today I am making a pledge to myself and God: I will make the time to do something for myself every day and every week. I will find very small ways to to nurture myself each day and once a week I will do something special for myself. Believe me, this pledge is not a simple task to accomplish, but it’s a goal. I still have some strength so off I go…P.S. My next blog will be a list of things I like to do for myself in the hope that you, my reader, might benefit from some fresh ideas or simple reminders to take care of yourself, too.
On the other hand, since you met with another man, it may also indicate that you feel there is something missing in your marriag. otherwise, there would not have been another man. There may be some issues that you need to look through in your marriage.